Shenanigans from the past?

Haven't posted much lately because, well, nothing new or profound has really been happening. I've been focused on scoring this job at Sears in downtown Saint Paul, but get this: I go in for two interviews, both of the managers are super impressed with me and hire me right after the second interview -- contingent on a drug test and background check.

So I'm thinking, okay, no problem. Haven't smoked in well over a month, and no criminal history, this should be easy...

Not so.

Apparently, the background check pulls up a trespassing conviction from 2003! So, the manager in human resources at Sears calls to inform of this, and requests that I come in to fill out a detailed statement explaining why I have this on my record.

"Trespassing conviction? 2003? Are you fucking kidding with me?" I think. How am I supposed to explain something I don't even remember?!

Well, long story short, I rack my brain for several days trying to recall a trespassing charge from 2003, and after I'm convinced this must be some kind of mistake, early one morning, the incident for which I was convicted for trespassing suddenly dawns upon me. I'll summarize:

See, back in 2003, much to my embarrassment, my politics were to the left of figures like Noam Chomsky and Michael Moore. Thus, it should go without saying that I was virulently antiwar. So much so that I joined up with an antiwar group and committed civil disobedience along with around fifty other anti-war protestors in Minneapolis (at the government center, I believe).

And I had totally even forgotten that such a thing had even transpired!

"You know,

...taken out of context, I must seem so strange."

A perfect love song

So, I was sobbing to Liam about Butt-Muncher tonight, much to my shame, when he mentioned this song:

As Is -- Ani Difranco

That song is just the most perfect love song I've ever heard.

Why polyamory?

Love Like an Ocean: Diving Deep into Polyamory

So often monogamous couples have mismatched libidos or similar challenges, and have limited options on how to remedy that situation. This adds up to a LOT of people not getting their needs met, which results in a bunch of unfulfilled and unhappy folks. This leads to insecurity and fear, which is often unfairly projected on others.

Why is it acceptable in our society to love more than one sport with a passion? Read different books? Why is it acceptable to love more than one child? Yet it’s not okay to love more than one person romantically at a time.

I compare monogamy to a Chinese takeout menu. Let’s pretend you can choose whatever you want from that menu, which is still plenty of variety. But then one day someone offers you an Italian menu. Would you stick with the same diet you’ve been eating for months, or would you want to try something new?  (This is not to say that you wouldn’t go back to your preferred meal after you’ve tasted the other.)

Our brains thrive on novel experiences. It’s natural for that to have a sexual outlet, as sex is such an integral part of our makeup.

My friend says, “Love is like an ocean, not a bathtub. One person doesn’t need to get out in order for another to get in.”

I tweeted that quote and a man replied, “But you can be eaten by sharks, capsized in a storm, captured by pirates, sunk by torpedoes in the ocean, much less likely in bath.”

This man very wisely observed that embarking on emotional uncharted territories comes with risk. But it can also reap huge rewards.

Polyamory IS more complicated. Polyamory is NOT superior. I strive to find other poly people who are as stable as we are, and keep coming up short. As I watch my friends cycle through their maddening poly dramas, I wonder if it’s such a good relationship model, after all. But here’s a thought:  maybe the goal isn’t to have a healthy relationship.

Maybe the unspoken goal is to intensify the living experience.

Just as some people express their passions through salsa dancing, running marathons, or climbing mountains, polys follow their passion through loving. Since sex is so taboo in our society, polys are more often misunderstood and feared than people with mainstream passions.

It’s endearing for a woman to run a cupcake blog and bake a different cupcake recipe every day of the year. It’s admirable for a couple to grow prized orchids or breed teacup Chihuahuas. But to love Peggy AND Sue at the same time? That’s scary.

And no matter how much of a trainwreck the poly person is portraying on Twitter, he or she is living open and honestly in a culture that treats sex as something to be ashamed of. I have huge respect for their authentic approach.

Here’s a little secret: polyamorous relationships often include sex (some joke that is should be called polyfuckery), but not always. I’ve had several people contact me describing their unusual situation: for example, the wife’s best friend has been living with them for over five years. There’s no sex involved, but they do everything together, they consider her part of the family, and they even joke about her being “his other wife.” They ask me, is that poly?

I say yes. The poly groups I’ve polled agree with me.

A short-lived "affair"

After thinking about the post I wrote earlier this evening, much to my dismay, I think I've arrived at definitive conclusion that I'm going to adhere to from now on as far as "Achmed" is concerned:

As attracted as I am to "Achmed", it's morally wrong for me to occupy the role of "the other woman" in what is a monogamous relationship. I think Liam summed it up best in the comments section of my first post tonight when he said that the difference between cheating, affairs, swinging polyamory, and open relationships was the "informed consent of all concerned."

Thus, as against lying as I am, I have to attribute the failing of my moral compass last night to simple horniness: and that's not a very good excuse for the future. I behaved dishonorably last night. Truth of the matter is I'm not okay with occupying the role of "the other woman" so long as the other woman is convinced she's in a monogamous relationship with said person, and I'm certainly not going to assist anyone else in being so dishonest.

Which really sucks, because I am so incredibly attracted to "Achmed".

*sigh*

I wish things were as simple as they should be. In my ideal world, "Achmed" would simply bring up having an open relationship with his wife, she would of course see the sheer stupidity of strictly monogamous relationships, and give him her consent. Alas, the overwhelming majority of people, quite frankly, are pretty stupid, or just haven't ever given any real thought to the very premises of such a lifestyle.

Occupying the role of "the other woman"

I sure know how to pick 'em, that's for sure. So after roller skating at Roller Garden last night, I head on over to Club Jager with my new friend, whom we'll just refer to as "Achmed," for purposes of discretion. Any ways, "Achmed" is the Jew I found at Roller Garden a few weeks back, heh.

I found a new Jew!

So anyways, it's really strange because I hate beards so very much, and he's got a full blown beard, but I've thought "Achmed" was super hot for some time now (and he is; he's a karate instructor, so he's totally got a hot ass body, as well), but I never acted on my attraction because, although I'm poly, he's married with three children, and I typically don't want to be involved in anything like that; if nothing else, I don't like the dishonesty involved in "those types" of situations.

Nonetheless, I had a feeling something was going to happen between us last night from the very get-go, to be honest. You know how you just seem to know when these things are gonna happen? Say, you and said individual just seem to be standing closer to each other during the night, or when they look at you, their gaze lingers for just a half a second too long, etc... Well, that was kind of happening; but then "Achmed" started talking about how badly his back hurt from driving all day (he had just driven back from North Dakota that night), and so I offered him a massage as we sat around the bonfire out in the back of Club Jager.

Well, as I massaged him, I could feel how sexy the definition of his muscles were, and he was seated right in between my legs with both hands gripping the underside of my legs as I sensually massaged out the knots from his back for close to a few hours (when "Achmed" questioned how my hands weren't tired after that long, Ryan stepped in and exclaimed how I've always had incredible endurance when it came to massages, heh).

Sad thing is, there isn't too much more to tell. After bar closing, we were seated the Jaguar for a while, sort of fooling around. I'm a little ashamed, in retrospect, because I was totally ready to fuck the shit out of him right then and there, but his conscience was troubling him; you know, that whole wife and three kids thing. I was vociferously arguing from a polyamorous perspective how, as long as she didn't know, it shouldn't matter -- even though I truly think that it does matter greatly that you're being dishonest with someone. I guess what I really meant is that it shouldn't matter, and they should trust each other enough to know that feelings of jealousy are to be overcome...

Perhaps I'll write a little more later.

Well that ends that.

He's an utter piece of shit, and I told him so on his Facebook wall.

Tamara Mady

Know what I think, Gav? I think you look ugly, inside and out.

Hideous, disgusting, parasitic little opportunist that you are.

· · See Friendship · 15 minutes ago near Minneapolis ·

Fuck him so much. This is my closure.

Announcing the contest winner:

Congratulations Ryan Underwood for your excellent suggestions, but I think The Scorpion King takes the cake!

I'll be in touch for info on how to claim your prize, heh.

                                                                     The Scorpion King

In the mail....

The Zen Art of Screaming

What is my name?

I was just spending some quality hours with my new best friend, when suddenly it dawned upon me that he doesn't have a name!

                                                                          What is my name?

                                                            

So, this got me thinking -- why don't I enlist the help of readers of my blog? That's right, and I even came up with an exclusive reward for whoever comes up with the best name: see, a few days ago, I made a video of me and my nameless vibrator getting in on... thus, the reward will be seeing my precious in action!

Post all suggestions in the comments.

Wow.

This video is awesome, oh my god. Brent just linked me to it on Skype.

Extreme Chastity

I feel a sin coming on...

Have you ever woken up with an almost overwhelming desire to fuck the hell out of someone? Well, I definitely arose this morning with the female equivalent of a boner.

So, I'm digging through old correspondences between Gavin and I, frantically searching for a video one of us found for the other back in early August.

Sweet edging video.

But by the time I found the video, my sex drive was almost completely gone, for I've never gone back and read through any of our old correspondences before, and the particular email that I located the hyperlink in was one where he had actually been opening up to me quite a bit (for him, at least) for one of the first times...

Then I got all misty eyed, melancholic, and sentimental... but then I just watched that video -- which I still maintain us one of the most erotic things I've ever seen -- and brought myself to orgasm 6-7 times in a row with my new toy (*My new toy*)!

Then I started thinking that this story had a happy ending after all, but alas, no such luck, for I still haven't been able to shake that wistful sadness all day. More than that though, you know that aching feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you really miss someone or something but can't stop thinking about them? Yeah.

*sigh*

But let me be completely honest with myself -- sentimentality and your overall gooshiness haven't been all that's been on my mind. See, I've also been having vivid flashbacks all day of a certain time he, you know, did that thing he used to do for me with his cock on Skype, and damn...

Although I'm quite confident when I say that surely he's found someone else now -- call it a premonition, or woman's intuition, or whatever -- I totally don't care. Because unless something drastic somehow changes my sexual desire for him, when I go to see Jess in London in some months, I'm totally going to get him alone and make him fuck me harder then he's ever fucked anything before (and that's saying a lot for him, heh). And I practically guarantee that when we do fuck, it will be some of the best sex either of us have ever had -- and totally mind-blowing, earth shattering sex is exactly what I need right now.

Not that I suspect he'd make an ardent attempt to resist having sex with me by any means, but I'm very confident that I could talk him into bed in a sinch once I lose these last 10-15 pounds, and even though he's almost certainly taken right now, we're both poly, we're both hot, we're super compatible sexually, and we both have positively insane sex drives.

I think we could make it work somehow. ;-)

Subs

I got high in Trent's car last night before going to Ground Zero and wound up having a terrible time -- at least, until Angie showed up around 11-12 pm. Not sure if there's a correlation between smoking right before we got there and the fact that I almost couldn't stand myself for being a part of such a large crowd of utter losers, but there may well be, seeing as how I'm well known for being overly critical and analytical whilst stoned.

Luckily, Angie showed up, and her friends were actually pretty cool, especially the guy dressed as, get this, a retard with a raging boner, not shitting you. That was one of the best costumes I saw all night, football helmet, dirty clothes and all. More importantly, however, were the three conversations I had following my lame experience that truly caused me to reconsider BDSM as a whole; with Angie, my brother, and Gabrielle earlier today.

After speaking with Angie and my brother, I started to reconsider just how into BDSM I really am. It was only after speaking with Gabrielle that I started to reconsider even that.

See, after having spent so much time around all these submissive types, I just grew repulsed with the whole thing. I hate to say this, and it sounds so mean, I know, but I think my experience with Trent has been traumatizing me toward the all of it, and Gabrielle really helped me put that into perspective today. I realized that, for as much as I like being the more dominant one in a relationship, I don't really want that all the time.

Plainly stated, I just can't really respect anyone as submissive as Trent is...

Then I started thinking that I must be a switch. And then Angie and I observed that BDSM'ers tend to let that aspect of their sexuality define them. It's as if the fact that they're into BDSM shapes their very existence! While my sexuality is certainly a large part of who I am, there's so much more to me then what Tamara is like in the bedroom...

To put it bluntly, sure I love to dominate; however, I do not like most subs. They annoy the fuck out of me.

Oh, and I don't really have a list of fetishes or anything. I just like to fuck twenty four hours a day everyday. I don't really care for putting on an act; I just like to fuck, lol.

What is BDSM?

I had two lengthy conversations tonight about that very question, and I think I've arrived at a few heartfelt conclusions that are true; however, maybe I'll write about that when I'm actually sober, lol.

Where are the beautiful people?

Things are starting to get back to normal, thus proving that time really does heal all wounds.

I've been skating a lot with Angie, and doing karate and yoga in my spare time. Oh, and I've been masturbating a lot, heh. That toy that I got from Sex World the other day is simply unreal, and because I'm multi-orgasmic, it is just too much fun to sit there and bring myself to orgasm over and over again.

*sigh*

I could (and have) spend hours on myself easy. I can't wait until I find someone worth my while once more so that I can start being sexually active again. I'm practically a reborn again virgin right now.

As harsh as it sounds, most people just bore the hell out of me, and I'd rather endure celibacy than ever settle for someone not "worth my dirty shoes", quote unquote. Why is it that most people are just so disappointing? Especially guys. And don't even get me started on the inadequacy of most mens' equipment...

Eh.

I just feel kinda blah right now; it sucks, really. I want to be excited about stuff, and honestly, I certainly have a lot to be excited about right now, but I feel pretty down any ways.

Who knows.

This too shall pass. Yoga tonight was good; Casandra gave us a nice guided muscle relaxation in chavasana tonight. But aside from yoga, I decided to give my body a little break because I'm really sore right now (my quads are killing me). I have karate at 5:30 tomorrow, but I'm gonna hold off on skating until Friday.

!!!

So I totally aced my job interview today; the first manager I spoke with just loved me, and virtually hired me on the spot. Although they still need to check both of my references still before I'm officially offered the job, that should be nothing. So I have a decent job for the time being, and I'm really happy about that.

I wound up being at Wal-mart for over two hours today, and following that, I had karate lessons. We spent the whole class working on downward block and then did some more work on Heian Shodan, the first Kata. Every day I see tangible improvements which is really encouraging, although I still have quite a ways to go; but I'm completely fine with that. I'm not in a hurry to get the next belt, and being totally new to martial arts period, I need to take things much slower than most of my peers, who I've found tend to be familiar with at least one other discipline.

After karate, I came home and played Scrabble for an hour, then went down stairs to help my mom with preparing dinner (she made this awesome stir-fry and manaeesh, an Arabic dish) before driving to Roller Garden in Saint Louis Park to meet up with Angie and skate for about an hour and a half, which of course was super fun. Not to mention one hell of a cardiovascular work out. I'm definitely getting much better at it -- I didn't even fall once the entire time!

Tomorrow I may go to an early skating session with Angie from 12:00-3:00, and then I've got yoga. Hopefully I'll hear back from the Wal-mart manager, Reed, as well. But right now, I'm sleepy as hell (surprisingly)...

"Today was a good day"

I started the day off with a wonderful yoga class instructed by Sensei Anita. Before class, Sensei Anita and I sat on our mats and had a lengthy conversation about the injury I have in my hips (a rotated sacroiliac joint) from the car accident while we waited for the other students to arrive; nonetheless, I was pleasantly surprised that she decided to devote the class to doing a plethora of poses that were focused on opening the hips and hamstring stretches and strengtheners.

I truly feel so lucky to have found the Midwest Karate Association.

I went to Wal-mart in West Saint Paul in the early afternoon to follow up on the application I submitted last week and spoke to the hiring manager, Reed. Apparently he's tried to contact me a few times this week already to set up an interview, so I'm really glad I went in and spoke to him (I'm so bad about listening to my messages sometimes). He set up an interview for me on Monday at 1:00 P.M., which I take to mean I've essentially got the job already, because I always ace my interviews.

In the evening, Trent and I went to a rink in Woodbury and skated for a few hours -- that was a really good cardiovascular work out, to be sure. Additionally, it was a lot of fun, actually. Angie was right -- skating is totally addictive.

So, to quote Ice Cube, "Today was a good day."

My terrorist credentials have been cemented

I was getting out of the shower yesterday afternoon when my mother stops me, towel clad and all, to inform me that they've been talking about our close relative, the leader of Hamas -- Khalid Mashal -- on Al Jazeera all day. :P

Although, I do hope that when I become rich and famous, no one will hold my familial relations against me.