"Everyone has a skeleton
And a closet to keep it in
And your mine...
Every song has a you
A "you" that the singer sings to
And you're it this time
Baby, you're it this time
When I need to wipe my face
I use the back of my hand
And I like to take up space
Just because i can
And i use my dress
To wipe up my drink
You know, I care less and less
What people think
And you're so lame
You always disappoint me
It's kind of like a running joke...
But it's really not funny
And I just want you to live up to
The image of you that I create
I see you and I'm so unsatisfied
I see you and I dilate...
When i say you sucked my brain out
The english translation
Is I am in love with you
and it is no fun
But i don't use words like love
'cuz works like that don't matter
But don't look so offended
You know, you should be flattered..."
Ani Difranco -- Dilate
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Can the reality possibly live up to our fantasies?
I'm so happy -- the grass is green, the sky is a magnificent sapphire blue, the roses are in bloom, and my heart feels so happy. Everything is glowing, the colors are more vivid and intense, our passion for each other is a burning red hot flame...
But can the reality possibly live up to our fantasies? I have such a strong feeling that not only will it live up to our fantasies, but it will surpass even our highest expectations.
I've never felt so certain about anything in my life.
But can the reality possibly live up to our fantasies? I have such a strong feeling that not only will it live up to our fantasies, but it will surpass even our highest expectations.
I've never felt so certain about anything in my life.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Valentines Day -- 2012
Well, after going through quite a dramatic episode with James that causes me to do something I swore I'd never do to this blog -- i.e. delete any of my posts, no matter how embarrassing in retrospect -- I'm happy to report that everything was resolved for the best.
I only wish he were here for this Valentines Day...
*sigh*
I only wish he were here for this Valentines Day...
*sigh*
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
I feel like I'm being so superficial...
...but is it really so much that I've begun to expect that any future potential romances not to look like fucking trolls, for chrissakes?
Okay, let me be honest here; I seek something more than just adequate. Which is to say that I want to feel a burning hot passion inside of me for someone. I really want to be completely smitten; I long to feel enraptured and utterly enthralled by someone else again.
That's the lesson of momentous proportions I've only really learned recently. That physical beauty matters much more than I ever before thought it should. I must concede that my expectations have been driven sky high by a very recent experience (the experience that I shall NOT give name to) -- and I just won't settle for less than the complete package anymore, dammit. I want someone who's physical beauty captivates me AND whose mind utterly intrigues me in every way imaginable. And I now know it's possible -- I stole a brief glance at the kind of perfection I allude to not too long ago.
Alas, it wasn't what I thought it was. But I almost had it -- I can still taste the goodness...
So, frustrated with the hordes of ugly people that seem to be so abundant on the social networking/internet dating websites I've been using, I began searching for one half of the equation; I began looking for a dating/social networking site for attractive people.
Lo and behold, beautifulpeople.com.
It's a start.
Okay, let me be honest here; I seek something more than just adequate. Which is to say that I want to feel a burning hot passion inside of me for someone. I really want to be completely smitten; I long to feel enraptured and utterly enthralled by someone else again.
That's the lesson of momentous proportions I've only really learned recently. That physical beauty matters much more than I ever before thought it should. I must concede that my expectations have been driven sky high by a very recent experience (the experience that I shall NOT give name to) -- and I just won't settle for less than the complete package anymore, dammit. I want someone who's physical beauty captivates me AND whose mind utterly intrigues me in every way imaginable. And I now know it's possible -- I stole a brief glance at the kind of perfection I allude to not too long ago.
Alas, it wasn't what I thought it was. But I almost had it -- I can still taste the goodness...
So, frustrated with the hordes of ugly people that seem to be so abundant on the social networking/internet dating websites I've been using, I began searching for one half of the equation; I began looking for a dating/social networking site for attractive people.
Lo and behold, beautifulpeople.com.
It's a start.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Shenanigans from the past?
Haven't posted much lately because, well, nothing new or profound has really been happening. I've been focused on scoring this job at Sears in downtown Saint Paul, but get this: I go in for two interviews, both of the managers are super impressed with me and hire me right after the second interview -- contingent on a drug test and background check.
So I'm thinking, okay, no problem. Haven't smoked in well over a month, and no criminal history, this should be easy...
Not so.
Apparently, the background check pulls up a trespassing conviction from 2003! So, the manager in human resources at Sears calls to inform of this, and requests that I come in to fill out a detailed statement explaining why I have this on my record.
"Trespassing conviction? 2003? Are you fucking kidding with me?" I think. How am I supposed to explain something I don't even remember?!
Well, long story short, I rack my brain for several days trying to recall a trespassing charge from 2003, and after I'm convinced this must be some kind of mistake, early one morning, the incident for which I was convicted for trespassing suddenly dawns upon me. I'll summarize:
See, back in 2003, much to my embarrassment, my politics were to the left of figures like Noam Chomsky and Michael Moore. Thus, it should go without saying that I was virulently antiwar. So much so that I joined up with an antiwar group and committed civil disobedience along with around fifty other anti-war protestors in Minneapolis (at the government center, I believe).
And I had totally even forgotten that such a thing had even transpired!
So I'm thinking, okay, no problem. Haven't smoked in well over a month, and no criminal history, this should be easy...
Not so.
Apparently, the background check pulls up a trespassing conviction from 2003! So, the manager in human resources at Sears calls to inform of this, and requests that I come in to fill out a detailed statement explaining why I have this on my record.
"Trespassing conviction? 2003? Are you fucking kidding with me?" I think. How am I supposed to explain something I don't even remember?!
Well, long story short, I rack my brain for several days trying to recall a trespassing charge from 2003, and after I'm convinced this must be some kind of mistake, early one morning, the incident for which I was convicted for trespassing suddenly dawns upon me. I'll summarize:
See, back in 2003, much to my embarrassment, my politics were to the left of figures like Noam Chomsky and Michael Moore. Thus, it should go without saying that I was virulently antiwar. So much so that I joined up with an antiwar group and committed civil disobedience along with around fifty other anti-war protestors in Minneapolis (at the government center, I believe).
And I had totally even forgotten that such a thing had even transpired!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
A perfect love song
So, I was sobbing to Liam about Butt-Muncher tonight, much to my shame, when he mentioned this song:
As Is -- Ani Difranco
That song is just the most perfect love song I've ever heard.
As Is -- Ani Difranco
That song is just the most perfect love song I've ever heard.
Why polyamory?
Love Like an Ocean: Diving Deep into Polyamory
So often monogamous couples have mismatched libidos or similar challenges, and have limited options on how to remedy that situation. This adds up to a LOT of people not getting their needs met, which results in a bunch of unfulfilled and unhappy folks. This leads to insecurity and fear, which is often unfairly projected on others.
Why is it acceptable in our society to love more than one sport with a passion? Read different books? Why is it acceptable to love more than one child? Yet it’s not okay to love more than one person romantically at a time.
I compare monogamy to a Chinese takeout menu. Let’s pretend you can choose whatever you want from that menu, which is still plenty of variety. But then one day someone offers you an Italian menu. Would you stick with the same diet you’ve been eating for months, or would you want to try something new? (This is not to say that you wouldn’t go back to your preferred meal after you’ve tasted the other.)
Our brains thrive on novel experiences. It’s natural for that to have a sexual outlet, as sex is such an integral part of our makeup.
My friend says, “Love is like an ocean, not a bathtub. One person doesn’t need to get out in order for another to get in.”
I tweeted that quote and a man replied, “But you can be eaten by sharks, capsized in a storm, captured by pirates, sunk by torpedoes in the ocean, much less likely in bath.”
This man very wisely observed that embarking on emotional uncharted territories comes with risk. But it can also reap huge rewards.
Polyamory IS more complicated. Polyamory is NOT superior. I strive to find other poly people who are as stable as we are, and keep coming up short. As I watch my friends cycle through their maddening poly dramas, I wonder if it’s such a good relationship model, after all. But here’s a thought: maybe the goal isn’t to have a healthy relationship.
Maybe the unspoken goal is to intensify the living experience.
Just as some people express their passions through salsa dancing, running marathons, or climbing mountains, polys follow their passion through loving. Since sex is so taboo in our society, polys are more often misunderstood and feared than people with mainstream passions.
It’s endearing for a woman to run a cupcake blog and bake a different cupcake recipe every day of the year. It’s admirable for a couple to grow prized orchids or breed teacup Chihuahuas. But to love Peggy AND Sue at the same time? That’s scary.
And no matter how much of a trainwreck the poly person is portraying on Twitter, he or she is living open and honestly in a culture that treats sex as something to be ashamed of. I have huge respect for their authentic approach.
Here’s a little secret: polyamorous relationships often include sex (some joke that is should be called polyfuckery), but not always. I’ve had several people contact me describing their unusual situation: for example, the wife’s best friend has been living with them for over five years. There’s no sex involved, but they do everything together, they consider her part of the family, and they even joke about her being “his other wife.” They ask me, is that poly?
I say yes. The poly groups I’ve polled agree with me.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
A short-lived "affair"
After thinking about the post I wrote earlier this evening, much to my dismay, I think I've arrived at definitive conclusion that I'm going to adhere to from now on as far as "Achmed" is concerned:
As attracted as I am to "Achmed", it's morally wrong for me to occupy the role of "the other woman" in what is a monogamous relationship. I think Liam summed it up best in the comments section of my first post tonight when he said that the difference between cheating, affairs, swinging polyamory, and open relationships was the "informed consent of all concerned."
Thus, as against lying as I am, I have to attribute the failing of my moral compass last night to simple horniness: and that's not a very good excuse for the future. I behaved dishonorably last night. Truth of the matter is I'm not okay with occupying the role of "the other woman" so long as the other woman is convinced she's in a monogamous relationship with said person, and I'm certainly not going to assist anyone else in being so dishonest.
Which really sucks, because I am so incredibly attracted to "Achmed".
*sigh*
I wish things were as simple as they should be. In my ideal world, "Achmed" would simply bring up having an open relationship with his wife, she would of course see the sheer stupidity of strictly monogamous relationships, and give him her consent. Alas, the overwhelming majority of people, quite frankly, are pretty stupid, or just haven't ever given any real thought to the very premises of such a lifestyle.
As attracted as I am to "Achmed", it's morally wrong for me to occupy the role of "the other woman" in what is a monogamous relationship. I think Liam summed it up best in the comments section of my first post tonight when he said that the difference between cheating, affairs, swinging polyamory, and open relationships was the "informed consent of all concerned."
Thus, as against lying as I am, I have to attribute the failing of my moral compass last night to simple horniness: and that's not a very good excuse for the future. I behaved dishonorably last night. Truth of the matter is I'm not okay with occupying the role of "the other woman" so long as the other woman is convinced she's in a monogamous relationship with said person, and I'm certainly not going to assist anyone else in being so dishonest.
Which really sucks, because I am so incredibly attracted to "Achmed".
*sigh*
I wish things were as simple as they should be. In my ideal world, "Achmed" would simply bring up having an open relationship with his wife, she would of course see the sheer stupidity of strictly monogamous relationships, and give him her consent. Alas, the overwhelming majority of people, quite frankly, are pretty stupid, or just haven't ever given any real thought to the very premises of such a lifestyle.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Occupying the role of "the other woman"
I sure know how to pick 'em, that's for sure. So after roller skating at Roller Garden last night, I head on over to Club Jager with my new friend, whom we'll just refer to as "Achmed," for purposes of discretion. Any ways, "Achmed" is the Jew I found at Roller Garden a few weeks back, heh.
I found a new Jew!
So anyways, it's really strange because I hate beards so very much, and he's got a full blown beard, but I've thought "Achmed" was super hot for some time now (and he is; he's a karate instructor, so he's totally got a hot ass body, as well), but I never acted on my attraction because, although I'm poly, he's married with three children, and I typically don't want to be involved in anything like that; if nothing else, I don't like the dishonesty involved in "those types" of situations.
Nonetheless, I had a feeling something was going to happen between us last night from the very get-go, to be honest. You know how you just seem to know when these things are gonna happen? Say, you and said individual just seem to be standing closer to each other during the night, or when they look at you, their gaze lingers for just a half a second too long, etc... Well, that was kind of happening; but then "Achmed" started talking about how badly his back hurt from driving all day (he had just driven back from North Dakota that night), and so I offered him a massage as we sat around the bonfire out in the back of Club Jager.
Well, as I massaged him, I could feel how sexy the definition of his muscles were, and he was seated right in between my legs with both hands gripping the underside of my legs as I sensually massaged out the knots from his back for close to a few hours (when "Achmed" questioned how my hands weren't tired after that long, Ryan stepped in and exclaimed how I've always had incredible endurance when it came to massages, heh).
Sad thing is, there isn't too much more to tell. After bar closing, we were seated the Jaguar for a while, sort of fooling around. I'm a little ashamed, in retrospect, because I was totally ready to fuck the shit out of him right then and there, but his conscience was troubling him; you know, that whole wife and three kids thing. I was vociferously arguing from a polyamorous perspective how, as long as she didn't know, it shouldn't matter -- even though I truly think that it does matter greatly that you're being dishonest with someone. I guess what I really meant is that it shouldn't matter, and they should trust each other enough to know that feelings of jealousy are to be overcome...
Perhaps I'll write a little more later.
I found a new Jew!
So anyways, it's really strange because I hate beards so very much, and he's got a full blown beard, but I've thought "Achmed" was super hot for some time now (and he is; he's a karate instructor, so he's totally got a hot ass body, as well), but I never acted on my attraction because, although I'm poly, he's married with three children, and I typically don't want to be involved in anything like that; if nothing else, I don't like the dishonesty involved in "those types" of situations.
Nonetheless, I had a feeling something was going to happen between us last night from the very get-go, to be honest. You know how you just seem to know when these things are gonna happen? Say, you and said individual just seem to be standing closer to each other during the night, or when they look at you, their gaze lingers for just a half a second too long, etc... Well, that was kind of happening; but then "Achmed" started talking about how badly his back hurt from driving all day (he had just driven back from North Dakota that night), and so I offered him a massage as we sat around the bonfire out in the back of Club Jager.
Well, as I massaged him, I could feel how sexy the definition of his muscles were, and he was seated right in between my legs with both hands gripping the underside of my legs as I sensually massaged out the knots from his back for close to a few hours (when "Achmed" questioned how my hands weren't tired after that long, Ryan stepped in and exclaimed how I've always had incredible endurance when it came to massages, heh).
Sad thing is, there isn't too much more to tell. After bar closing, we were seated the Jaguar for a while, sort of fooling around. I'm a little ashamed, in retrospect, because I was totally ready to fuck the shit out of him right then and there, but his conscience was troubling him; you know, that whole wife and three kids thing. I was vociferously arguing from a polyamorous perspective how, as long as she didn't know, it shouldn't matter -- even though I truly think that it does matter greatly that you're being dishonest with someone. I guess what I really meant is that it shouldn't matter, and they should trust each other enough to know that feelings of jealousy are to be overcome...
Perhaps I'll write a little more later.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Well that ends that.
He's an utter piece of shit, and I told him so on his Facebook wall.
Fuck him so much. This is my closure.
Fuck him so much. This is my closure.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Announcing the contest winner:
Congratulations Ryan Underwood for your excellent suggestions, but I think The Scorpion King takes the cake!
I'll be in touch for info on how to claim your prize, heh.
The Scorpion King
I'll be in touch for info on how to claim your prize, heh.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
What is my name?
What is my name?
So, this got me thinking -- why don't I enlist the help of readers of my blog? That's right, and I even came up with an exclusive reward for whoever comes up with the best name: see, a few days ago, I made a video of me and my nameless vibrator getting in on... thus, the reward will be seeing my precious in action!
Post all suggestions in the comments.