"How do you know you're a top?"

In the mail: The New Topping Book, by Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy. I just started the book today, and I just read through this section subtitled, "How do you know you're a top?"(P. 6)

That's a good question, because as they rightly point out, there's a huge difference between being dominant and being a top, as they define it. 

"...the easiest way to know if you're a top is to take a hard look at your fantasies. Being a dominant person in real life doesn't necessarily mean you're a top -- many people who are hard driving Type As prefer to bottom...

On the other hand, if giving direction, taking control, or inflicting strong sensation sends you into a panic, that doesn't necessarily mean you're not a top."

I think that's Gavin's greatest contribution to my life and growth as an individual -- causing me to have intense fantasies about him over the past month, fantasies that really helped me understand something about my sexuality I've never understood before.

In retrospect, it really should have been so obvious to me after my relationship with JD that I have a serious thing for extremely submissive, passive males. That "look" Gavin gets in his eyes that I'm always going on about, that's the exact same look JD used to give me (back when JD was a super hottie, that is). 

Somehow, though, I always I thought preferred "normal," "vanilla" sex like everyone else.

If I can extract one lesson from the time I've spent with Gavin over the past month, it's that my sexuality truly isn't very "vanilla" at all. Not that I don't appreciate normal, "vanilla" sex anymore; only that what my sexuality truly desires is something much more...

I want to learn how to be a loving, nurturing top.