Saturday morning thoughts

Isn't that how these things always work? When things go badly, they always go badly all at once. It always feels like everything comes crashing down all together. It's never just one thing. But I just can't allow myself to lose sight of what I know to be true -- that things will improve no matter how badly everything seems right now.

They always do. 

I have to hold onto my belief that things will drastically change. Maybe this is what happens whenever the end of an era comes to fruition. I know that ever since my car accident, I've been all too inclined to despair when nothing seems to be working. Whenever I feel like I'm losing control of myself and my life, and it feels like I've just become too sad to fight anymore.

But writing always helps me to put things in perspective. Since I was a young child, writing has helped me to think, to strategize, to not lose sight of the fact that I'm creative enough and strong enough to find other ways. It helps me to maintain my faith in my abilities, a confidence in my intellect, and it revives my capacity to hope for better. It always serves to make me remember that, for as cold and alone as I feel at times, I truly have a massive circle of friends and family that I can always tap for support.

Writing helps me to make sense of so many of my seemingly nonsensical internal contradictions.

There are times that I long for the capacity to be able to view things from more calloused perspectives. Other times, I think I've struck a better balance than most people. Albeit, a far more painful route, to be sure, but I like to think it's a path much more conducive to personal growth.

Pain is so conducive to personal growth.

But I won't lie. At times, I, too, try to avoid pain and hardship because, well, it fucking hurts, and it's difficult. Our natural inclination as human beings is to try to avoid obstacles which hurt, right?

Not I.

Bask in your pain, I say. Learn to relish it. Maybe that sounds almost masochistic, but it's really not. Rather, it's simply another coping mechanism. And so long as you have methods to help you deal, that's what counts.